Anyone who is married or has been married can tell you it is hard. My husband and I were friends for 10 years before we got married. Naturally, we thought we had many of our issues resolved years before we officially started our marriage. Since then, we’ve had our highs and lows, but one thing we recently learned is that we have an opportunity to love each other the way we want to be loved.
Let me explain what I mean by that. I noticed from the beginning of our relationship that my husband bought me the most expensive, highest quality gifts for special occasions. This ranged from new Nike shoes, a down comforter, all the way to a kitchen aid mixer. I appreciated the gifts and still enjoy them all; however, I never felt loved from his efforts in any of the gifts.
On the reverse side, I tried to do everything I could to help my husband experience his special occasions in a creative way. I planned vacations and wrote love notes in a nice card. With my help, the kids made him homemade cards and hand print mugs. I noticed he never lit up in excitement over any of my gifts either.
Here’s what we learned: we were loving each other the way we want to be loved. If you haven’t already read Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, ‘The 5 Love Languages’, then do your marriage a favor and grab a copy as soon as possible. The book thoroughly explains the 5 love languages as well as ideas for how to express the love your spouse needs. The 5 love languages are:
- Acts of service
- Words of affirmation
- Physical Touch
- Gifts
- Quality Time
I need to hear words of affirmation while my husband needs gifts to feel loved. When my husband and I intentionally started showing each other love in the ways we needed to feel love, we began to truly appreciate each other at a different level.
This is applicable to everyone! Use it for friendships, your children, parents, coworkers, and anyone you encounter. I’ve started asking my friends and other family members to take the quiz so I can show them love in a way that they want to receive it. Dr. Chapman has also written books for discovering the love language of your child, teenagers, military, coworkers, singles, and so many more!
Discover your love language by taking the free quiz here. Please share your love language in the comments as well as some ways you would like to be shown love!
